


he is your world (you just don't know it)

by diazevan



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Shannon is alive au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:02:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22105240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diazevan/pseuds/diazevan
Summary: It’s not that she wants Eddie to hurt, not at all. Shannon loves him, respects him, and if it were in her hands, she would give him absolutely everything in the world that could make him happy.That doesn’t mean, however, that she doesn’t feel slightly disappointed that the reason Eddie is so upset, so angry, is not their ongoing divorce but the fact that, apparently, Buck has decided to sue everyone on sight to get his job backorShannon Diaz gets to live and it changes everything.
Relationships: 'The Buck/Shannon friendship fic we didnt know we needed', Eddie Diaz/Shannon Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, slight VERY SLIGHT
Comments: 145
Kudos: 666





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is me not coping well with Shannon's death, even half a season after. This piece will follow most of canon events, just to see how her presence could have changed everything. 
> 
> Thank you to @an_alternate_world for the beta!

**[Cover Art](https://ronordmann.tumblr.com/post/633006066430558208/its-not-that-she-wants-eddie-to-hurt-not-at-all) by [@ronordmann](https://tmblr.co/mapZS9OXbhmC99qiUV4D6XA)**

* * *

It’s not that she wants Eddie to hurt, not at all. Shannon loves him, respects him, and if it were in her hands, she would give him absolutely everything in the world that could make him happy.

That doesn’t mean, however, that she doesn’t feel slightly disappointed that the reason Eddie is so upset, so angry, is not their ongoing divorce but the fact that, apparently, Buck has decided to sue everyone on sight to get his job back. Again, neither situation is good, but she still figured that their divorce would be a little higher on the list of crappy things that had happened to Eddie lately.

They had been watching Christopher play in front of the tv before she went home for the night, almost in comfortable silence, when her kid had turned and asked when Buck was coming over to play with him. It took everything in Shannon to not flinch and keep her eyes on the kid’s show in front of her, knowing very well that the question was in no way directed at her. There was a second of complete silence, before Eddie’s voice filled the room.

‘He is very busy right now, buddy.’ Normally, he always took the time to explain everything to Christopher in deep detail, but the answer was short and collected and it was impossible for her not to turn to look at him. His whole body was tense and his smile didn’t reach his eyes; his hands were closed in fists. Shannon could feel his barely concealed anger coming from him in waves and she felt a little angry too, not for the lawsuit, but for the big elephant in the room.

Her son had nightmares about the tsunami, and more times than not, he woke up screaming for Buck.

They both had realized it too late, when Buck had already put a wall between him and the world and while Shannon thought that it would do some good for their son to talk with the other man, to make sure that he was okay, Eddie had quickly shut down all her suggestions and, thanks to the thin ice that they were already on, she decided to not push it too much. They were better now, more used to each other and Christopher’s nightmares hadn’t disappeared so Shannon was ready to give it another shot.

She decides to talk to Eddie about it, calmly and with objective arguments now that they had put the little one to bed, but when she comes back to his living room, Eddie sits with a beer in his hand and his eyes are completely unfocused. After the first thought is gone, the jealous one of him being completely devastated for this and not their divorce, Shannon’s heart clenches uncomfortably inside her chest. She could go home, make like this is not her business or even approach the talk about Christopher’s nightmares, but she still _loves_ Eddie. There is no turning a blind eye when the people she loves are hurting, not anymore.

She is taken back to a talk she had with Abuela, just after they got married. They were having lunch, just the two of them, when the older woman had taken her hand softly to get her attention to a more serious manner.

‘The Diaz men are too silent, too closed off.’ Her words were kind and Shannon smiled back because, how couldn’t she? ‘They don’t know about feelings. It’s our job to help them with all of that.’ The wives’ job, she meant. Shannon had taken that advice at heart, so much that it almost broke her, but now that she’s back to being herself, she could allow herself to be Eddie’s wife for a little bit. Just a moment.

There was a time when they were in love, together in every sense of the world, and that sort of thing leaves behind a series of rituals. That’s why it’s so incredibly easy to leave her bag and drop to her knees in front of him, in the space between his legs. Her hands reach for his legs, caressing them lightly and his eyes finally focus on her with recognition.

They had been in this position before, millions of times, sometimes innocent, some not so much.

‘You are brooding.’ Her voice is light, setting the tone of this and making him give her the tiniest of smiles. It’s still something, so she knows they are off to a good start. Shannon used to do this, to sit in front of him, to catch his demons and his worries one at a time with smiles and quick jokes. ‘Wanna talk?’

For a moment, she thinks he is going to say no, but his face constricts before his head falls forward, hiding his face from her. He looks up again, but brushes his hand angrily above his face. ‘I’m so fucking angry.’ It’s serious, considering Eddie is cursing. ‘I still can’t believe that he did this’. The fire lighting his eyes, in his usual calm expression, is unsettling and the only thing she can do is press her fingers against his thighs a little harder, grounding him.

‘People do insane things when they think they are losing themselves.’ This time, she speaks quietly, feeling her heart break at the admission, but it’s a familiar pain. There is not a day she regrets leaving them in the way she did, but now she is sure it was for the best. For all three of them. And she knows Buck has the same fear she had back them, to feel like you don’t have a place in this world. It’s consuming, leaving no room for anything else but groundbreaking confusion. Eddie must know what she is thinking because his eyes soften just a bit. ‘Even hurt the people they love.’

It’s just a coincidence that in her case and Buck’s, Eddie and Chris are right in the middle of the chaos. 

‘Shannon, that’s not…’

She shakes her head before he even tries to finish that sentence. ‘Buck is scared. I’ve met him a handful of times, and even I know he wouldn’t hurt anyone on purpose.’ Shannon likes Buck, mostly because it’s impossible not to and because she knows how much he loves her son. Sometimes jealousy appears when she sees how much of a unit the three of them are without her, but she knows how to handle that by now. She wouldn’t have a minute of peace if she got upset by every person that’s been there for her boys when she hasn’t.

‘And Chris is scared too.’ She knows it’s a low blow, that maybe she should have eased into the subject with him, but if she can’t shake Eddie’s anger then she’s at least going to give him some perspective. ‘He wakes up calling for Buck. We can’t keep going like this and the therapist said-’

‘I won’t call him. I can’t talk to him.’ If she were a stranger, she would have missed the slight tone of desperation in his tone and the fact that he didn’t mention the lawsuit at all.

‘I’ll call him.’ Before she can realize it, she’s using her mom tone, the one she used when she was trying to help Christopher with something particularly difficult. ‘I’ll call him and tell him. I won’t mention you.’ Her promise at the end is almost solemn, but the corner of her mouth lifts just a bit. ‘I can also leave the light on when I tuck you into bed.’

Eddie has the decency to roll her eyes but then, a laugh comes out of his lips and she’s unable to hold back a grin. Some of the tension leaves his shoulders and for a quick second, just a fleeting moment, Shannon can’t help but think how beautiful Eddie Diaz is when he’s not completely lost in himself.

Her eyes drop to his lips, because it seems natural to do it, and she can feel him following the gesture with his eyes. The air changes around them and she knows it would be easy to just lean closer, to fall into his arms, but it’s impossible to forget that this is not about her. This is about the lawsuit and the betrayal and, above all, about _Buck_.

Without another word, she stands and takes the bag from the floor, grateful that Eddie doesn’t try to stop her. Mostly because she doesn’t think it’s a good moment to explain to him that the reason he is so upset is because maybe, just maybe, her best friend’s betrayal is too similar to her own.

She’s almost at the door when she turns, knowing there is something else she has to say. For Eddie’s sake.

‘You have forgiven me for worse, Eddie.’

Shannon doesn’t stay to see the look of confusion in his face.

The next day, Christopher is at her house and when the nightmares come, she doesn’t think twice before calling Buck. He’s asleep and surprised to hear from her, but after a quick explanation, there is an urge in his voice when he asks her to put Christopher on the phone. The man brings her son back quickly and they stay on the phone until her son’s light snores fill the room.

‘Shannon?’ Buck’s whispers, like he expects there is no answer coming.

‘Yes, Buck?’

‘I…’ There is some hesitation and a bit of silence, until he speaks again. ‘I didn’t know about this. I…’

‘I know, Buck.’ She is tired too but she is so thankful for Buck in that moment. ‘He really misses you.’

‘I miss him too. So much.’

It’s a surprise for everyone but her when, a week later, Buck drops the lawsuit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the lovely @nilshki for the beta of this chapter!

Things get slightly better in the week between the first time she called Buck after Christopher’s nightmare and the day he drops the lawsuit.

The days she is with her son, she has no problem with calling the blonde firefighter and letting the two boys talk for a moment.

No matter how tired she is, she always stays on the line a few minutes after and lets Buck make small talk. Not because she is particularly interested in what he has seen on TV that day, or about the cute toy that reminded him of Christopher when he saw it on the store, but because she knows he needs it. Not for the first time, Shannon sees herself reflected in the young man, and it’s too easy to remember how lonely it feels when all the people you considered your family turn your back on you. There was no one for her after her mother died, since she couldn’t reach out to any of the Diazs, and she remembers all too clearly how isolating it felt. She wished it on no one, especially someone that loved her son as much as Buck did.

That’s how she finds out about the grocery store encounter.

Christopher’s soft snores are almost putting her back to sleep when Buck’s voice makes a reappearance, uncertain.

“I saw Eddie today. The whole team actually, even the new girl.” It takes her a few seconds to shake the slumber and realize that _oh_ , that can’t be good at all. Before she has the time to ask what happened, he is already filling her in.

“I went to a store I knew they were gonna be in, you know, to apologize and say that it’s all over. But Eddie was _so angry_ and he said something like…” She eyes the phone curiously, picking how Buck has stopped mid-sentence, like she had caught him in something he shouldn’t be doing. The next time he speaks, there is so much hurt in his voice that she wished someone would give him a hug.

“He told me Christopher needed me and not just my voice through a stupid phone.”

She is pretty sure that wasn’t the whole extent of the conversation, but of course, that was the blow that hurt Buck the most. And Shannon knows Eddie is right, that the phone conversations are not enough for their son, but there was absolutely no reason for him to hit that low. As soon as the thought appears on her mind, it’s followed by the realization that of the whole lawsuit, this was also what was hurting Eddie the most.

“Shannon?”

She realized she hasn’t said anything at all, but it’s hard to not be fiercely protective of Buck and be objective about the whole situation. Eddie is her family, but she understands Buck so much and she wished someone had had her back when she needed it. That someone would have look past the mistakes she made to even consider her reasons, even when they were also wrong.

“Well, the only reason I haven’t ask you to come see Christopher is because I thought that he wouldn’t approve.” It may hurt him to hear it, but Shannon needs him to know that she wants to, that there is someone on his side, sort of.

“Yeah, I didn’t wanna put you into a weird position by asking either. You…You do enough already. Much more than I deserve.”

She is shaking her head, even though she knows he can’t see her ‘cause, well, phone. “My kid loves you too much and he needs you Buck. Eddie knows that too, he’s just... We both know how he’s when he’s upset.” Again, it should be weird to compare her own relationship with Eddie with the one the two men have, but it’s too easy. “He’s already coming around.”

Eddie had even called Buck one night, when Christopher’s nightmares had happened. If Buck’s tale was objective, her ex-husband had spoken to him through his son, because apparently they are five years old, and ended the call as soon as Christopher was asleep. No comment, no words exchanged between them. When she had asked Eddie about it, he had told her that there wasn’t anything to say, apart from the fact that he wasn’t going to let his anger get in the way of his son’s wellbeing.

“Yeah, I don’t know about that. He looked ready to throw a good punch today.” He ends the sentence with an almost cruel laugh and he sounds so resigned that it makes her hold Christopher a little bit closer to her chest. What in this world had to happen to this man for him to speak like this?

“Eddie would never hit you, Buck.” She has no doubt about that and she hopes he doesn’t either, but still, there is nothing wrong to make sure. “You know that, right?”

_He loves you._

She doesn’t say it, because it’s not her place and not the moment. She isn’t sure what kind of love exists between them but it’s _there_. It’s too obvious.

There are a few seconds of silence and she is about to call Edmundo Diaz to ask what the hell is going on if his best friend thinks he is capable of hitting him, but Buck’s voice comes again, filling the silence.

“Yeah, I know.”

There is no much to say after that, mostly because Shannon doesn’t entirely believe him, and when they hang up there is still a heaviness in her heart that she can’t shake.

The next day, Buck calls her excitedly in the early night, to tell her that Bobby had asked him to go get drinks with the rest of the 118. It makes her smile and after a few quick questions about the place and the time, Shannon passes the phone to Christopher so he can tell him to have some fun. She can hear the laugh on the other side of the phone and it warms her heart that the other people at the station are willing to give Buck a chance. She is already thinking about sending Eddie a quick text to tease him just a bit, but with one thing and another, she completely forgets. Still, the happy feeling that maybe, just maybe, all the drama can be all left behind, stays with her the rest of the night and the following days, even when she doesn’t see Eddie that much. It’s okay, she thinks. They are all gonna be okay.

Until the whole street-fighting happens. Because honestly, Shannon really didn’t see that one coming.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter three is finally here! With the little jealous Eddie you all were waiting for.  
> And of course, thank you to the lovely [nilshki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nilshki/pseuds/nilshki) for the beta!

Shannon should have seen the signs and honestly, it’s going to take a while before she doesn’t feel guilty for being in the dark.

She is taking more hours at work on the days she doesn’t have Christopher and, slowly but surely, she starts hanging out with her co-workers more. The whole Buck thing has shown her that you need friends to help you in the hard times, to support you. 

She feels lucky that somehow, she can consider Buck himself one of those.

That’s why it makes her sad to know that even when he is back at the station, not all is forgotten, or of course, forgiven. Bobby seems to be keen on teaching him some patience and well, she has to agree with him. What Buck did was a desperate move and maybe it was time to learn that family and friends couldn’t be hurt like that. She prided herself on the fact that every time she told him as much, he had at least understood a bit.

With the days passing, even when their late phone calls are more spaced now that Christopher is handling sleeping better, she gets to know that everyone at the station is warming up to him again, except for Bobby and Eddie.

It’s strange, but not entirely hard to believe. Now that she thinks about it, she hasn’t seen Eddie for more than five minutes for weeks now. For what she knows, they aren’t avoiding each other, so it’s a little weird, but she thought it could be something that happened when they were actually in the process of the divorce.

She worries a little bit more when Christopher mentions that sometimes, his dad looks like he hasn’t sleep at all. With a kiss on his forehead, Shannon leaves her son to sleep and comes back to Eddie’s living room, thanking Carla and assuring her that she could watch him until Eddie got back, to have the night free.

It’s odd when it’s almost midnight when Eddie finally shows himself, covered from head to toe like it was freezing outside.

“Where were you?” It’s almost comical how big his eyes are when he sees her and how there are a few seconds before he can compose himself.

“I went out.” It’s a lie, so obvious, but Shannon doesn’t want to push. _Can’t push it_. Yet, she does.

“Who? Buck tells me you are still not talking to him.”

“Didn’t know you two were close now.” There is so much bitterness in his tone that it throws her off for a second, before she recognizes the barely concealed jealousy coming from Eddie. It’s a bit unsettling, because she thought they were past the time where he thought of her in a romantic way. Unless…

 _Oh_.

She shakes her head casually, standing from the couch. “Are you jealous because I speak with him or because _he_ speaks with me?” Her eyes looked up at him, trying to look as innocent as she can and it’s almost delighted when she sees him flinch. Her ex-husband is so easy to read when he is like this, all worked up. It makes her want to tease him some more, but her mother instinct tells her that maybe, it’s time for a lesson. Maybe it’s time to stop ignoring what is going on. 

“He tells me things because it seems that his best friend is set on ignoring him for the rest of forever.”

Not for the first time, she feels like she is taking sides in a situation that doesn’t concern her, and by the look in Eddie’s face, his mind must be going down the same line. Still, she is not going to allow Eddie to lose the other man, not when it could be the best thing that ever happened to him. She feels responsible for his happiness, somehow, since she was the one who broke his heart first.

“You don’t know…”

“I know that you are going to lose him if you keep this up.” Like you lost me, she almost says, and it scares her how easy that thought appears in her mind. “I know that one day, he is gonna get tired of trying to reach out and getting nothing from you, Eddie. Or worse, that he feels so bad about this whole thing that he actually starts to think he deserves the treatment you are giving him.”

And he doesn’t, he really doesn’t.

“He didn’t leave.” Suddenly, her chest feels heavy, too full of her own regret. “He was trying to get back.” She should had done the same, even when it was hard, no matter what. Eddie and Christopher waited for her and she never found her way back home, but Buck? He gave everything for just a chance to get back to everyone. How Eddie couldn’t see it was beyond her.

Had she really hurt him so much that he couldn’t see love when it was standing right in front of him?

Suddenly, she remembers she is supposed to be mad at him for being late, not because everything else. But Now Eddie’s eyes are dark, painfully sad, and she can’t find it in herself to keep throwing things at him. The only thing she wants is to hold him so hard that maybe, some sense will get to him.

So, she does.

Slowly, Shannon moves closer to him, giving him enough time to move away. He doesn’t and after a moment, her arms move around his neck and she holds him close to her body, squeezing him as much as she possibly can. “It’s okay.” Eddie, sweet and kind Eddie, holds her by the waist and they stay like that, until his body shakes just a bit. This dance is a familiar one for them, another ritual, and she lets him find comfort in her presence for as long as he wants. He is not alone, never will be again. “You will figure out. You always do.”

She leaves after that, because it’s too much, and she has learned to put herself first sometimes. Still, she can’t help but think that she should have push harder, that something is clearly wrong with him, that it’s just not out in the open. That this could not be just about Buck.

It still takes her completely by surprise when Eddie comes to her house when it’s supposed to be his night with Christopher. Dread quickly invades her body, because he is wearing the same expression he did the second time he enlisted, when he ran away. That’s the face he makes when he thinks he has really fucked up, even when he doesn’t admit it.

“Shannon, we need to talk.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAA THE CONFRONTATION.

Shannon moves slightly away, so he can get inside her apartment with no problem and as much as she wants to start the questions right in that second, she knows that this has to start with him. If something was wrong with her son, Eddie wouldn’t be so patient with it, so at least that’s out of the way. Is it Buck again? Because the last thing she knew, Buck had appeared on her house wearing a grin bigger than his face, chatting about how he and Eddie were back to being best friends. Those had been his exact words and it was so adorable that she didn’t even tease him about the way his eyes light up and his cheek became an outstanding color pink. 

Following that line of thought, she tried to remember what other little information she had gotten about Eddie in the last few days. There was the new car, that he had showed her and say it was a good price and well, she knew he was smart enough with his finances, but apart from that, there wasn’t anything terribly out of place. She must had missed something _big_ , considering the way Eddie is still standing in the middle of her living room, seemed more out of place than ever before.

“Do you want to sit?” It felt pretty stupid to ask, but the more she looked at him, the more uneasy she felt.

His lips curved into a smile, but far from be happy or light, it was charged with so much guilt that Shannon dreaded whatever that he was going to say. Had Eddie killed someone? Was he taking away her son from her? Had someone _died_? “Don’t think you will want me here in a bit”

It’s starting to get on her nerves, this whole thing, so Shannon moved closer to him and take his hands on her, eyes hard not necessarily unwelcome. He knows her well enough to know that whatever he needs to speak with her, he must start now. “Let’s hear it, then” It can’t be _that_ bad, right? Her mind is just being noisy because she still doesn’t have the facts and she is only human, she is meant to think the worst.

“Cap is sending me to therapy, mandatory” Her eyebrows raised and she is pretty sure they almost hide in her hairline, because well, Diaz man don’t go to therapy. Not even marriage therapy, not even if _asked_. Eddie sighs, probably knowing that she is thinking, before taking off the hoddie that was covering his chest. Shannon is half a second away to move extremely far away from him, since he had gone insane clearly, but her eyes caught _everything_.

His whole fucking chest is a massive bruise.

Before she even gets to ask, or make her mind work again, Eddie continues with his explanation. “They found out that I…. These pasts weeks, I have been fighting” With who? For what? “There is an underground fighting pit that pays really well and I’m good, so…”

Shannon doesn’t even let him finish because absolutely every part of her has gone from utter confusion and dread to completely, blinding _rage_.

“You did what?!” It’s almost satisfying the way Eddie seems to flinch under her tone, but she is too upset to even think about it. He can’t be serious, because there is no way her ex-husband is that idiotic to put his entire life on jeopardy for… “Why in the world would you do something like that!?”

He, at least, has the decency to look ashamed. Still, a second after his jaw sets and he looks right at her. There is so much sadness on them but above, so much stubbornness. “You have no idea how _angry_ I was with the divorce and then _the stupid lawsuit_ …”

If she was watching the scene from outside, Shannon would have hide her head behind her hands because that was so obviously the wrong thing to say. There is a part of her brain that wants to understand him, to soothe him and rationalize his motives, but she is past the point of taking the blame for everything that Eddie gives her. Not anymore, not of this.

“Oh, so now this is all my fault” She steps closer to him, eyes never leaving his. “The fact that you went to punch people, without caring about anything, not even your son, it’s mine and Buck’s fault, isn’t it, Eddie?” Understanding crosses his face and he opens his mouth, probably to say yet another thing that is going to make it worse, but this time she is faster. “Because perfect little Eddie does nothing wrong. It’s always someone else’s fault, isn’t it? Nothing is ever on him, not even when he does stupid crap because he can’t behave like a responsible human being!”

And Shannon really could say this is all about the fighting, even when she hasn’t let him explain absolutely anything about it. She wants to distant this event from the past, but he is wearing the same expression and using the same excuses, like he had been justified in doing what he did, just because he is _sad_.

Just like when he left for Afghanistan the second time, and no matter how much he wants to say otherwise, this is on him. His choices and his consequences to pay. The worst part is that he had put himself on the line without caring about Christopher, about his own son. _Again_.

“Shannon, please” She doesn’t know what he is asking, but right now it’s too much and she is afraid she can say something that she will regret. There are questions to be asked and security matters to attend about their son, but right now the only thing she wants is to shake him until some sense gets inside that stupid head of his.

“Get out”

His eyes open slightly, and there is so much fear and she doesn’t really understand why but right now? It doesn’t matter.

“Please, just let me…”

“Get out!” It feels weird, to be the one pushing him away when it has always been the other way. Shannon had always been with her arms wide open for him, to come and go as he pleases, but not right now.

There is a pause, so long that she thinks maybe he is going to fight her again, but after a few moments he is out of the house so silently that she would had missed him if she could move her eyes away from him. She wants to scratch her eyes but no, she will not cry for something that is not her fault. What she is going to do is call her son, hear him talk until her heart beat normally and then wait until her mind could focus again to call Buck.

They needed to have a long talk.

It seemed that he felt the same way because late at night, when she was staring at the ceiling and waiting for sleep to take mercy on her, her phone starts ringing in the bedside table. Shannon isn’t even surprised that it’s Buck’s name on it and when she answers, she doesn’t give him time to talk.

“Did you know?” Clearly, that wasn’t what he was expecting to hear, because Buck takes a moment before he answers.

“Just found out this morning with the rest of the team, I promise. If I had known…” They both know that is probably a lie, that Buck would had let Eddie get with it on his own terms, but the sentiment is appreciated. “Can’t wrap my head about it either, if that helps”

Her eyes move back to the ceiling, adjusting her phone against her ear, and trying to find her balance. “Have you talk to him?”

“Umh, yeah” His voice suddenly sounds unsure and it peaks her interest. “I’m kinda in the house?”

Against her own wishes, she is unable to not smile. “Kinda?”

“Well, not kinda. I’m in the house. He called and I…” That’s new, but good, she supposes, that Eddie is trying to reach to someone. Still, the pause that Buck has given her make her feel a ‘but’ coming up. “We had to take Christopher to his abuela.”

An alarm rings in her head, making her seat against the bed. “What? Did something happen? Why didn’t you call me?”

She can hear Buck taking a deep breath on the other side of the line, before he speaks again. “He thinks you are taking Christopher away from him”

Whatever that she thought that was coming, it was definitely not that The fear in his eyes suddenly makes sense and she would be lying if she says it hasn’t crossed her mind to wonder if Eddie was suited to take care of their son. The concern was gone as soon as it came and for the way Buck is speaking, he knows too that she would never do something to separate the Diaz guy. Not after everything.

“I told him you wouldn’t, but he doesn’t really believe me” Her throat is closed, too unsure of what to do or say, knowing that this will be go directly at the other man. “He just fell asleep but I really, I don’t know how long that is going to last”

She has to remember Buck is a friend, that Buck is _safe_. “I would never do that” She hates that her voice sounds strain. “I’m just so angry” As soon as she says it she remembers Eddie saying exactly the same and she is only human after all. “But I would never, Buck”

When he speaks again, his voice is soft. “I know Shannon” A weight she didn’t even know she is holding seems to disappear with his words and her heart feels warm. “I think you should tell him”

He is right, she should. Probably tomorrow. With a groan of acknowledge, she closes her eyes again. She is sure the talk will be horrible, that there are some other screams that will come out, but she can’t think about it right now. The day is being so long and Buck’s friendship is soothing, in a way that makes her wish she could have one of his big hugs. It’s not a surprise that Eddie, even in the middle of a crisis, was able to find a little rest beside the other man.

“Buck”

“Yeah?”

“Would you stay on the phone for a little while?”

A light chuckle comes from the other end and it makes her smile. “You just sounded a lot like Chris” There is a fondness in his voice that makes her so damn proud of herself for all the times she had support him and had his back. “I will If you promise to try again tomorrow, with the talking”

“I promise I will try not to kill your boyfriend, Buck” A yawn prevents her from hearing the offended sound that Buck makes and she knows, like the sky is blue, that he must be blushing. It makes her smile a little bit more honestly.

Tomorrow, she promises to herself. Tomorrow she will try again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE KITCHEN SCENE IS FINALLY HERE.  
> As always, thanks to [nilshki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nilshki/pseuds/nilshki) for putting up my English ♥

They talk. 

Shannon calls Carla to take care of Christopher in her house once he is out of school and they meet up at Eddie's, where he and Buck are already waiting for her. It's not pretty, by any means, and there is a lot of yelling involved but they manage to remain objective.

No, they are not here to talk about them. No, Shannon is not going to take absolutely any measure to take Christopher away from Eddie. Yes, it would be in Eddie's best interest that he never steps a foot close to any fighting pit or he would lose his job and probably, some body parts, courtesy of Shannon herself. 

It's somehow something that they all can agree on. 

It doesn't mean, in any way, that things go back to the way they were. While they have both promised to try their best to be civil, Shannon finds herself using Buck to communicate with Eddie, like a messenger. She knows it's not fair to him, but he seems okay with being a buffer between them both, mostly because Buck is happy to be able to talk to Eddie about anything these days. She may be upset about the whole thing, but she is still Buck's friend and she can't miss the opportunity to tease him about how attached at the hip they are these days. It's adorable, really. 

Those are the reasons why Buck is now an added presence at family nights. 

Before the whole mess, Eddie and Shannon had decided to spend time together at least two nights a week, the three of them wherever it was Christopher's turn to sleep over. They both knew how happy their son was on those nights and no matter how weird things were between them, the kid had no reason to pay the consequences. So family nights had stayed and inviting Buck had been a no-brainer for everyone involved. 

It was easier to not want to snap at Eddie for every single thing when he was looking at Buck with a blush on his cheeks. 

Passing more time with them together was only making her see how much of their relationship had changed since the day of her fight with Eddie. She knows they were close before, but she is pretty convinced that the lingering touches and heart eyes have to be something new, or at least in this level of obvious. Buck keeps telling her that nothing is really happening, nothing  _ romantic _ , but she doesn't know how long that is gonna last, especially since they keep throwing each other love declarations in the middle of dinner. 

Seriously, Shannon was pretty sure that Eddie had tried to send Buck into cardiac arrest when he said, all soft eyes and crooked smile, that he was his favorite person in the world for offering a beer. A fucking beer. 

She is not sure if she should tell them to get a room or a marriage license. 

The answer becomes  _ very _ clear when she goes to the kitchen a while after they went to grab their beers and put the plates on the sink. Shannon is just going to grab some juice for herself when she is met with the image of the two of them, kissing in the kitchen.

Scratch that, they are not kissing. They are making out like there is no fucking tomorrow. 

She stays frozen for a second, long enough to see that Eddie is seated on the counter and Buck is between his legs, trying to be impossibly closer, before she turns around and presses her body against the wall, putting one hand on her mouth to prevent her from making any sound. She is pretty sure neither of them had even noticed that she was there and it earns her a few seconds to compose herself, to calm her heart that was beating way too fast for it to be healthy.

Shannon is not sure why she feels like this and well, it’s one thing knowing that it was gonna happen and other entirely to see it in front of your eyes. Still, she is glad that nothing that she is feeling is even close to jealousy, for either of them, not that she was really worried about that. Whatever she and Eddie had it's long gone now and well, Buck has never been like that for her. He was handsome and so good, but he is her  _ friend _ . Almost like a little brother, someone that makes her want to put herself in between him and any pain that comes in his way. 

The thought makes her smile under her hand, because it's easy now to recognize what she is feeling. 

She is so fucking  _ excited _ . 

Finally, after all this time, those two men that she considered family were getting their shit together. No more pining, no more brooding; they were both finally getting what they both had wanted for so long. It felt like a little miracle, to be honest. And she could already imagine how happy Buck was gonna sound on the phone when he told her, or the way Eddie was gonna blush while trying to pretend he is all cool and collected. Oh and Christopher, he was gonna be so happy.

"Hey buddy." As soon as she comes back to the living room, she kneels in front of her son, with a bright smile. "Would you like it if you and I have a sleepover tonight? I saw something a little bit scary in the morning and I think I'm gonna need my Superman tonight to keep me safe." Christopher agrees right away, promising to protect her against anything that comes their way. She really is gonna miss these times when it's so easy to use little white lies for the greater good. 

When both men come back to the living room, thankfully somehow put together, Shannon is quick to explain her plan with Christopher, innocent smile playing on her lips. They look confused for a moment, both knowing it was Eddie's night but before they can protest, she  _ suddenly _ remembers she is thirsty because when she went to the kitchen to get her juice, she had gotten distracted with  _ something else _ .

Her kid laughs because she is  _ so _ silly sometimes and she can't help but join him when Bucks drop the controller he had in his hands, so loudly that she is pretty sure the whole neighborhood heard it. It's hilarious, to be honest. 

When her eyes find Eddie, however, there is too much in them, so she stops the teasing and is quick to propose a video game that takes all the boys attention quickly. 

It's not until he is helping her to get Chistolher on her car that they get a moment to talk. Their son is already half asleep, so she knows there is no reason to worry about little ears hearing their conversation when she waits for him against the driver seat. The street is empty apart from them and the night is quiet, and she can't help but think it's a perfect night for a talk. 

"He is ready to go." Eddie comes to stand beside her, letting out a sigh as he looks up to the sky. Shannon takes a moment to watch him, feeling content when she sees the ghost of a smile on his lips. 

"You can take him tomorrow." She is not strong enough to not change the tone, the opportunity to tease him is just too tempting. "In case you are not  _ too busy. _ " It feels natural to punch his arm with her elbow lightly and she is delighted when his whole face looks like it's caught on fire. 

"Shut up." He seems unable to not smile, even when he is not looking at her. It’s almost like a weight has been lifted from his shoulder and some of the tension that’s been present in his face in the past few days is gone. For a moment, they both stay in silence and Shannon doesn’t try to break it or move. She misses him, the easy companionship they had formed and she is too content in staying in this peace a little bit longer. Yet, she knows they have to talk sooner or later and he must think the same way, since he speaks again a minute after. "Are you really okay with this?"

She knows this is too important for him, that whatever she thinks is relevant for him, so she gives herself a second to check that she can give him the most honest answer she has. “I am.” Turning her head around, she gives him a reassuring smile, just before frowning slightly " _ Well _ , you did treat him really badly for a while." Eddie seems ashamed at that, looking down to his feet and well, she is too weak for the Diaz men to not give in. "But I want my second favorite person in the world to be happy, so I guess I can overlook that." 

In the way Shannon looks at him, there is no two ways about who she is talking about. That it’s  _ him _ . 

His expression turns impossible softer, so full of fondness that she feels her throat close. 

"I'm sorry, for everything." Eddie means it, she  _ knows _ , but it’s the first time she can accept it completely. There has been so much anger on her, so much bitterness for everything that had been unspoken between them for so long. 

"I know." She has to hold his hand to reassure him, to let him know that they are in this together. Because no matter what happens, no matter who calms along, they are always going to have each other. "We are family. That's never gonna change." Without caring about the fights or the misunderstandings, no matter what. And now Buck, good caring Buck, had come to fit perfectly in the space between them. 

"You know I love you, right?” It should be weird, to hear that, but in the quiet of the night it’s the most obvious thing that she has heard or seen the entire day. And that is saying something. 

"Love you too, Edds." 

A few moments later, when she is inside her car and he is waiting for her to go, she can’t help but take advantage of their renewed friendship at least one more time. 

She waves him goodbye, starts the car and speaks a little bit higher than someone with a child sleeping on the passenger seat should do. 

"Hey, be safe!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shannon really said Buddie rights this chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think I would ever get to finish writing this, but I did! This is the first story that I wrote for the 9-1-1 fandom and man , it got me back into writing so strongly. I'M SAD  
> Thank you to everyone that was with me in this wild ride! All of your comments and kuddos have turned this in so much more than I ever thought it would be.  
> And of course, thank you to the lovely [nilshki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nilshki/pseuds/nilshki) for the beta and the incredibly amount of support and [Whis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whis/pseuds/Whis) for the never-ending help and love!  
> With that being said, enjoy!

Christmas is her favorite holiday.

She loves the lights and the trees and the fact that since last year, she is able to hold her boys close once more. It feels magical and just like last time, it fills her with contentment and a sense of family that she hardly feels at any other time of the year, apart from Christopher’s birthday. 

And this year, everything feels a little  _ more _ with Buck around.

With their combined forces, the two of them drag Eddie to absolutely every Christmas store and are planning to stay all in the Diaz house on Christmas Eve, so they can have presents first thing in the morning with everyone there. She is happy that they had managed to fit together well, the three of them, and Shannon knows she has to cherish these times, mostly because no one knows what the future is going to look like. She is confident, however, that they are building a foundation of a family that will prevail, even when they add new members with time.

That’s why it’s such a bummer to know that both Eddie and Buck have to work on Christmas.

There was a rotation they couldn’t change and the entire team had to work on that day and while Shannon understood, Christopher was having a hard time with it. Her son was as close to perfect as he could get, but he was just a little kid and having two of his favorite people away on such an important day made him truly sad. Even when she promised to take him to the station to catch a glimpse of Eddie and Buck, he still had spent the week leading to Christmas with a frown that did not belong on his face. It almost makes her want to cancel the whole thing.

When Buck and Athena plan the Christmas’s party in a ‘super secret Christmas chat’, Buck’s words clearly, she is the first to tell Christopher and he of course, promises with his pinky that he will keep the secret from his dad, but her ex-husband clearly knows something is up when the little one comes back to his usual smiley self. He doesn’t ask, however, mostly because he catches the amused looks between Buck and Shannon.

She doesn’t think anything is weird when Buck appears on her door, because they have been coordinating what food she and abuela are gonna bring to the celebration, but her eyes narrow when she sees him balancing himself on the balls of his feet.

Like he is nervous.

And honestly no one can blame her for being a little wary of a man coming to her house like that, since the last time this happened Eddie had told her that he had become the underground Rocky, so she just eyes Buck suspiciously and closes the door behind it.

“Am I supposed to help you to hide a body?”

The joke has the expected effect because she sees Buck smiling instantly, that cocky grin that screams trouble.

“Would you?”

“If it’s not Eddie’s,” she shrugs, unable to not smile back. “I probably would need a bit of an explanation if it was him”

They both giggle and move effortlessly to the kitchen, where he takes the juice he likes to drink from the fridge, and she gives him time to say whatever he has to say. They are friends, but for some reason this doesn’t seem like a visit without meaning.

After a few seconds, she passes the glass and he thanks her with a smile, but doesn’t drink.

“I came here to invite you to the Christmas’s party.”

… Wasn’t she invited before?

“I’m on the group chat, Buck; you  _ added me. _ ”

“Yeah, but like…” He seems at lost, like there are a million things trying to get out at the same time, and she recognizes it because Chris does that when everything is a bit too much to express it. The only solution to that is to be patient.

“Use your words, Buck.”

He sends her an annoyed look, acknowledging that he is being momed, but takes a deep breath.

“I wanted to invite you. As my family.”

And whatever she was expecting to hear, it was totally  _ not _ that. Before she even starts to having time to process what that means, his voice is back, talking a million words per minute.

“I know you are going for Eddie and Christopher already and they are my family too, I also know that. But Maddie is my family and she is going for Chimney too, like at the same time, cause she kinda belongs to that side too. And for a long while you were my  _ only _ friend and I just… You were there for me when no one was and this is my way to tell you.” His face is red, and she is not sure if it’s because of his words or because of the lack of air. “You kinda belong to my side too. I wanted to make sure you knew that.”

She has no idea what has made him say all of this, to show up at her house to blurt out how much she meant to him, but Shannon has the urge, like million times before, to hug him so hard that it hurts.

Of course, she does.

Eddie is all hard against her when they hug, a solid presence, and while Buck is even taller, there is a warmth that makes her feel instantly giggly.

“How does Eddie survive this amount of cheesy? Oh my god.” While her voice is amused, there are too many emotions for her to hide. “Of course I will go to the Christmas party, I was already going for you, buddy.”

+++

She doesn’t know she is staring until someone pokes her arm and Maddie Buckley appears beside her, all grin and warm smile. 

“I don’t think I have ever seen my brother this happy.” Shannon can hear the sincerity in her voice and she has to turn around again, to watch Buck and Eddie play with Christopher a little more. They are in a little bubble, too wrapped in each other to notice they are being watched. Her heart gets a little bigger thinking that as perfect as they look, there is always room for her there. 

“Eddie either.” It’s a bit painful to know that she was never able to make him this happy, not because he didn’t love her, but because they didn’t fit in the same way he does with Buck. But she has learned to accept it and hope that one day, she will find her partner just the same. 

Both women spend a couple of seconds in silence and Shannon doesn’t have to read minds to know that they are both thinking in how glad they are that destiny made those two find each other. 

“I’m ready to fight you to death for the godmother rights to their next kid,  _ Diaz. _ ”

“Oh,  _ bring it on _ , Buckley.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> find me at @diaz-evan on tumblr!


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